Harry Potter and the suprise package (with my own alternate ending)
by LegoCrafter2014
Summary: Some dirty-minded person made a story claiming that Hermione is a Cryptophallid. I read that story and decided to make an alternate ending for it. **Contains Futanari content, death and swearing.**


_Disclaimer: I do not own any of "Harry Potter" or its characters, and I do not claim that I wrote any of the text up to the line. That text belongs to "King Splooge" of .com._

Hermione was on her back, both of her pulled straight back with her feet on either side of her head to allow her lover easier access to her hairless, smooth little honey pot. Her long, curly mouse-brown hair was splayed around her head like a halo, her eyes were closed, and her mouth formed a small 'o'. With each thrust from her lover, her round, medium-sized breasts would roll back and then come forward again, jiggling in time. She was somewhat pear shaped, lacking the sexy hourglass curve of older women, but she made up for this with a round, squeezable ass which made a delicious slapping sound against Harry's body each time he pounded her.

"Do you remember the secret I told you about? You know, the one that I'd never tell anyone else?"

"Mmm."

"Well, I think the time's come for you to find out what it is."

Harry moved his hands up and down Hermione's soft warm body, wondering what the secret could be. He paused when he felt the muscles in her abdomen tense, as though she were going to the bathroom. Then, suddenly, he felt a something swell beneath his lips, and an oily, well-lubricated penis slid noisily out of Hermione's pink folds. The thing was pink and curved like a banana, and a bit of bubbly yellow ichor was leaking from the end. In preparation, Hermione reached towards her discarded robe and drew out her wand, quickly performing a charm to prevent any sound from escaping the secret chamber they were hiding in. It was a good thing she did, too, for Harry immediately let fly the most horrific, blood-curdling scream that Hermione had ever heard. His bright bottle-green eyes bulged and his face turned alabaster white, the now colourless lips pulling back from the teeth in a barbaric display of primal terror. He scrambled back from the Lovecraftian horror poking out of Hermione's crotch, plastering himself against the wall in a futile attempt to escape the monstrosity that had killed his erection.

"Harry!" she said sharply, giving him the sharp, bossy look that she always did when she wanted to get a-hold of him. He stood there for a few moments with his mouth hanging open as though unhinged, but eventually Hermione's reliable hawkish look got him under control.

"Hermione," he said, not coming any closer but with some colour returning to his face, "That's rather a big a surprise. D'you think you could have told me about that before we, you know, did this?"

"I could have told you I was a Cryptophallid," she replied, crossing her arms over her breasts and letting her lower lip protrude slightly, "but if I had you wouldn't have wanted to." Her eyes appeared moist.

Harry wasn't particularly good at picking up on these sorts of clues, but even he could take such obvious hints.

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't think it would hurt your feelings so bad. It's just that that thing... It's so..."

"So what?" asked Hermione, her eyes becoming even more moist. Harry sensed that the waterworks were about to come on if he didn't do something quick. Girls could be so fickle

"Look, if it makes you happy, I'll still do this stuff with you. Even with that thing around." He said. Then he swallowed. What had he just gotten himself into?

She sniffed. She wasn't about to just relent and make it easy on him; no, he'd have to work for this one.

"Get on your knees." she said, pointing at the ground. Harry groaned. He'd just made a promise, and now the bitch had him by the balls. This was going to hurt. A lot.

He sank to his knees and, with Hermione's less-than-gentle guidance, wrapped his lips around her throbbing member. The oily stench of it was overpowering, and it seemed to secrete something much stronger than ordinary sweat. The slimy fluid was sour and semi-acidic, and the Cryptophallus itself was unnaturally rough and scaly. Harry gagged as he felt the questing dick force its way up inside of his mouth, Hermione giving him an arch smile as she forced him to deep-throat her rather impressive dick.

"That's right," she said softly, feeling his wet boy-lips slide up and down on her penis, "Gulp on it."

Of course, this wasn't all she needed. She eventually angled her hips and stuffed the wang into Harry's cheek, fucking the inside of his mouth with reckless abandon. He sputtered and gurgled as she forced it back into his throat. The stimulation to her penis was arousing her in the same way that having her vagina licked would, and as a result she became more wet by the minute. Her vaginal fluids were being secreted in such great amounts that a bit of it actually began to drip down her leg. Cryptophallids have much thicker natural lubricant than humans, and it comes in greater amounts, so soon her vagina was leaking globules of cunt-mucus the consistency of pea soup.

Eventually, she pulled him off of it by his hair, and then pushed him down.

"Get on all fours, Harry." She said.

"What?"

She merely glared at him. He complied.

Hermione first positioned her saturated vulva over Harry's rear end, which was presently sticking up in the air. Thick goo bubbled out of her snatch and fell on Harry's anus, sinking in. Since Cryptophallids are designed to copulate with human males in order to produce offspring, her mucus sucked inside of Harry's asshole, naturally lubricating his colon. Harry whimpered as he felt the magical fuckjuice spread through his intestines.

"Are you ready?" said Hermione, placing a hand on Harry's buttock. When he didn't answer, she let the tip of her Cryptophallus poke against her partner's tight knot, and then slowly push inside. Harry gasped. The intrusion was not painful, since he was well-lubricated, and as Hermione began to slowly pump her hips against him, he even felt as though he were enjoying it.

Hermione held Harry's waist in her hands. She squeezed his sides as she continued to fuck his asshole, watching and feeling his sphincter contract around her poking member. Feeling that she was not getting enough enjoyment, she picked up her wand and pointed it at her cock.

"Engorgio!"

The sound-blocking charm proved useful once again as an ear-shredding scream tore out of Harry. He shrieked continuously and clawed the ground to get away from his tormentor, but it was no use; her grip was iron. Harry, for his part, continued screaming.

In the red haze of his agony, though, he realized what he had to do. He grabbed his wand from the corner of the closet and recited a secret incantation Dumbledore had taught him - one that would prevent you from being coerced physically by another person.

"Pots ti Ekam Esaelp Dog Ho!"

Hermione, however, was much better at magic than Harry, and had anticipated his trying something like this. She hadn't expected him to know such an obscure charm, but she had a counter ready.

"Ycrem On Swonk Egoolps G'nik!

Harry's spell choked and died, leaving him only with the rough Cryptophallus ravaging his poor shit-factory. He howled pitifully.

It didn't last much longer, thankfully, but the finish was mind-bogglingly horrible; a wave of fizzing, scalding-hot Cryptosplooge burst into his anal cavity, leeching into his flesh. Waves of Cryptophallid polyps attached themselves like anemones to the lining of his intestine, busily impregnating him. Hermione pulled out before she was finished, and the scalding semen splashed all over the boy's ass, excoriating the surface of it until he had little skin on his ass.

She sighed. "Well, I guess I have to be a little bit nice to you." She pointed her wand at his ass and uttered a few healing charms, working until his butt was more or less re-skinned.

"That was great, Harry. I'm really very sorry about using the Engorgio Charm to make myself bigger. Maybe next time, you'll enjoy it more. Come to think of it - Harry?"

Having been unable to withstand the brutal assault of the Cryptophallus on his virgin hole, Harry had passed out. Smiling triumphantly to herself, Hermione began to dress herself.

Harry was chained up by his wrists in a dungeon chamber somewhere beneath the school. He had been impregnated by the Cryptophallid polyps in his asshole.

They had been growing steadily for the past few hours, until he could barely walk. When that happened, Hermione had lured him to the dungeon, then overpowered him with her superior grasp of magic and chained him. When Harry asked her what was happening, she had just smiled and said, "You'll see."

An hour after he had been chained, he felt his insides suddenly swell. Then, without warning, each of the polyps matured, then finally came bursting out. Harry's asshole blew open and his buttocks disintegrated as the Cryptopolyps exited his body.

The fangs were rooted in venom sacs which contained a fast-acting neurotoxin for paralyzing their mother's rapemeat. They came skittering out and made loud clicking noises as they moved crab-like across the floor. Harry made a sickened gargling sound as several dozens of the putrid things raced out of his stretched, torn, bleeding anus. Then his eyes rolled back up in his head and a trickle of blood came from his left nostril. He was gone.

They moved quickly out of the chamber and into the rest of the school. Because of their magical nature, they were able to secrete acidic semen from their dickholes to bore tunnels through the wall of the school.

One by one, they dropped into the Gryffindor girl's dormitory. It was night-time, and all the girls were asleep in their beds, safe back from the trip to Hogsmeade. All the better.

They worked quickly. Each eight-legged cock crawled up a bedpost and into the sheets. Each one stuffed itself into a juicy young teenage snatch. The girls all at once began moaning and shrieking. However, it didn't take long for each Cryptopolyp to force itself into each girl's cervix. As soon as this was done, each Cryptopolyp expended its magical potential in casting the Imperius curse on girl.

Very soon, every single girl in the dormitory was under Hermione's control. Laying in her bed, the Cryptophallid smiled her reptilian smile. She sat up in bed and seized up her control of all of the girls. They lined up obediently and moved behind her. Under her iron command, each girl crept down into the Gryffindor lobby, then up into the boy's dormitory.

The lobby awoke to screams and shrieks of agony that night. Each boy was being raped in the ass by a sadistic new-born Cryptophallid. The two stages of reproduction had been completed, and now rape was being committed en masse. Several boys, Ron Weasley among them, were lined up against a wall, helpless without their wands. Ron was having his rear end reamed by a pretty blonde girl with an enormous Cryptophallus.

"Spread your ass, sweetheart," said the girl. Ron, thinking this might ease the pain, reach behind himself and pried open his pale, freckled ass cheeks. The Cryptophallus punched its way into his tight asshole again and again, lubricated by blood and a bad case of diarrhea. This last was owed to some Mexican food that Ron had tried in a novelty shop at Hogsmeade. Suffice to say, it had not gone well in his belly.

"Unh," said the blonde girl, batting her long eyelashes as she slammed her massive cock into the boy's poor ass, coming immediately. Cryptophallid spore-juice dripped out of Ron's raw butthole. The floor of the place was wet and sticky with blood, semen, spores and a sweet Crypto-vaginal fuckjuice cocktail, which dripped from the oozing cunts of all the schoolgirls. The boys on either side of Ron soon got the burning semen treatment as well. The wholesale rape of the Gryffindor boys was complete in a few minutes. Then, the real fun began.

Hermione made sure to keep all the boys down on the ground for several hours while the Cryptospores gestated. In a short time, each boy's ass blew off and produced dozens more fully mature Cryptopolyps, each one envenomed and ready to serve its wicked Mistress. Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocks.

"Soon," she said, rubbing her hands together, "I will rule this school!"

Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocks  
**Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocks**  
**Hermione smiled at her new army of skittering, chittering, gibbering cocks**

_(A/N: Right, that's the bad bit gotten rid of, now the rest is written by me. This alternate ending assumes that the story was set after 2017, canon time. It's important to it.)_

However, that wasn't the real Hermione. The real Hermione was in Madame Pomfrey's welfare room, after hitting her head and fainting when coming back from Hogsmeade. The fake Hermione who had raped Harry Potter was a Cryptophallid, which was polymorph-like and evil. The real Hermione, the one who was recovering from a head injury in the welfare room, was human, albeit a true hermaphrodite. She had been born with a 24-inch penis, two tennis-ball sized testicles and the rest of the system and "plumbing", which she had managed to hide, alongside her complete female reproductive system. The fake Hermione's penis was odd-looking and resembled a reptile's penis. The real Hermione's penis was perfectly normal, not misshapen, and was that of a human. The fake Hermione's female reproductive system didn't work. Both sets of the real Hermione's reproductive systems did work perfectly. The fake Hermione's semen was acidic. The real Hermione's semen was slightly alkaline, at a PH of about 7.5, which was normal. The fake Hermione always used its male reproductive system, and always anally raped males. The real Hermione never used her male reproductive system, and was only sexually attracted to males, but had a tiny libido and, contrary to rumour, didn't rape people or want to. The fake Hermione had green, cat like eyes. The real Hermione had deep, light-brown, human eyes.

When Hermione heard that a Cryptophallid that had taken her form had been causing a load of chaos in the school, she set about making a plan to stop the chaos and put things right. It was as follows:

1. Research all the spells that may come in useful. She'd already done that.

2. Go to the lobby and kill her imitator.

3. Cure all the girls that had been affected or infected by the Cryptophallid offspring.

4. Cure all the boys that had been raped before they ended up dying, getting rid of the Cryptophallid spores in the process.

5. Try to heal Harry's injuries and bring him back to life.

6. Tidy the place up.

7. Apologise on behalf of her imitator, and explain that it was a Cryptophallid.

8. Go to her dormitory.

9. Weep quietly at what had been done by her imitator.

Hermione stormed into the lobby and immediately uttered "Avada Kedavra" at her imitator. True, it was an unforgivable curse, but not using it would be worse. Anyway, she had called the Ministry of Magic and explained the situation to them, and they allowed her to use the spell on this occasion. Her imitator died and turned to ashes immediately.

After this, she used the invisible ropes spell to tie up the girls and then uttered "Ffo gems ,spylopotpyrc!" to turn them back to normal and get rid of any Cryptophallid spores still on them. She then released them, and the girls collapsed onto the floor. They would wake up in a few minutes, remembering nothing of the incident.

Hermione then ran over to Ron, who was the closest to death, and crying. He started whimpering as soon as he saw her. She held his head in her arms gently.

"'Mione," Ron asked, "have you come here to finish the job?" His voice was calm and accusing.

"No, Ron. That wasn't me, it was a Cryptophallid that had copied my form." She explained.

"But…" Ron stuttered.

"I'll explain later. First, I've got to make you get better." She said, soothingly.

She uttered several healing spells, until Ron was back to health.

She looked at the other boys, and sighed softly. She would have to heal each of them personally. After doing that, she shouted a powerful cleaning spell to clean, sterilise, repair and tidy most of the castle up.

"Ron," she asked, "where's Harry?"

"I reckon he's in the dungeons." He guessed, before drifting off to sleep, one of the side-effects of the healing spells.

She ran to the dungeons and found Harry's body. She had to steel herself to look and staggered back in shock when she saw him. The lower half of his body had been completely eaten away by the acidic Cryptophallid semen; his mouth was bloody and eaten in places; his eyes were rolled up in his head and there was a trickle of blood from his left nostril. _Oh, God, oh, God why didn't she show him any mercy?_ She thought. Then she remembered that Cryptophallids had no mercy to show; as a species, they lacked this psychological feature.

Realising that the room had to be perfectly sterile for the spells to work without causing infection, she uttered the cleaning spell again.

She gently lowered Harry's body down onto the floor, and gulped. This was going to be hard. She uttered a spell that only the strongest of wizards and witches could make work, and would only work on good people.

"Ti sesicrexe dna ,ycrem fo gninaem eht wonk seod neetruof dna dnasuoht owt retfarcogel nokcer I!"

_**(A/N: If King Splooge can get away with this kind of stuff, then I can as well.)**_

Harry's body slowly recovered in a glow of blinding light. Then came the hardest part. Hermione cried another spell that only the strongest of wizards and witches could make work, and would only work on good people.

"Kcab emoc esaelp ,yrraH ,esaelp!"

Nothing happened. Then his hand twitched. Then his eyes began turning round and round in their sockets. Then he stopped, and looked at Hermione.

"Hermione...is that…is that you?" he asked shakily.

Hermione tried to stop herself from crying with joy, but she couldn't. She smiled at him, and said: "Yeah. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, actually. Even my bum doesn't hurt. What I want to know, though, is why did you rape me?" he inquired.

"That wasn't me." Hermione explained.

"Well, who was it, then?" Harry asked.

"A Cryptophallid that had copied my form. They're polymorph-like creatures that only reproduce anally with human males. It must've copied my form because it knew that you're one of my two best friends-you and Ron." She explained further.

"What are you, then?" He asked.

"A human. The real Hermione Granger." She said, truthfully.

Harry wasn't convinced. "Tell me something only Hermione would know." he demanded.

"Two applications of dragon blood are as an oven cleaner and as a spot remover." She said.

Harry smiled. "Welcome back, Hermione."

Hermione smiled back. "You too, Harry."

They buried themselves in each other's arms. They were both naked, because the acid had eaten away at Hermione's clothes, but they didn't care.

Harry suddenly sat up, and asked: "Hermione, what…WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?!"

Hermione blushed, and said: "Ah…that. I was going to tell you about it today, actually. They're…they're my penis and testicles. I'm a true hermaphrodite."

Harry raised his eyebrows, but his opinion of her didn't actually change. She was a beautiful woman, really clever, and the best friend he could have asked for. He wasn't surprised Ron had gotten married to her, and that they had so many children.

Eventually, nervously, Hermione explained that she didn't actually use or play with her male parts, was only sexually attracted to males, and had a tiny libido and didn't rape people or want to.

After that, she asked Harry what the Cryptophallid that had copied her form had done to him, and asked him to be brutally honest. When he finished, Hermione looked slightly sick, but was obviously trying not to show it.

"That couldn't have been me! "She exclaimed. "I don't cry over tiny things like someone not wanting to have sex with me! "

"I know! In retrospect, I should've known that that wasn't you at that point." Harry replied.

"What happened after that?" she asked.

"I don't know. I died just after giving birth to the Cryptopolyps." He explained. "You'll have to ask Ron what happened after that."

At that exact moment, Ron walked into the dungeon.

"Speak of the devil…" Harry joked.

"Harry!" Ron exclaimed. "You're alive!"

"You've got to thank Hermione for that." said Harry.

"But, I thought…" Ron started.

"No, you see, this is the real Hermione." Harry explained. "She was in the welfare room after hitting her head while coming back from Hogsmeade. She's the one that brought me back to life. The other one was a Cryptophallid that had copied Hermione's form. They can change into anything they want. That one was evil."

"Oh, right." Ron said, realising.

After that Hermione explained, in plain, Standard English, everything there was to know about Cryptophallids and other related subjects. She explained how they are polymorph-like; don't need to feed; all their toxins are turned into a substance known as Cryptosplooge, which they use to reproduce; and that they have massive libidos to get rid of the Cryptosplooge as often as possible.

After that, they just sat there, talking.

_**(A/N: The next paragraph is a bit off topic, but important to the clarity of the story.)**_

All three of Harry, Ron and Hermione's penises must have been circumcised by the same doctor. He or she must have been very skilled, as they had done it in such a way that they had circumcised the whole penis, and the testicles, and had left no trace of there ever being a foreskin, which is how neatly he or she'd done it. Harry, Ron and Hermione were not homosexual or bisexual; they had a brothers-and-sisters relationship which meant that they didn't care about being naked together, and otherwise alone in a room.

_**(A/N: Right, back to the story.)**_

Suddenly, Ginny walked in, accompanied by Dumbledore, who averted his eyes as soon as he saw them. He immediately asked them to put some clothes on, which he handed to them. After they put them on, Dumbledore said:

"I don't want to alarm you, but recent events mean that you three ought to keep out of trouble for a bit. The Ministry of Magic has investigated into this, and has found Hermione innocent because she is human but the creature that committed the rapes was a Cryptophallid. However, because the Cryptophallid had copied Hermione's form, the parents of the students might petition for her to be fired."

Hermione's features took on a look of pure fear. She loved her job, and was brilliant at it.

"Sir, "she asked, "where is everyone now?"

"They are in the main hall. They have recovered and have gotten dressed." Dumbledore answered.

"Excuse me for a moment." Hermione asked, before running to the hall.

In the hall, everyone was chatting quietly, but quickly became silent when Hermione walked in.

"Err, good evening everyone. "she started nervously, not knowing how they would react. "I know what has happened recently and I understand that it must have been a very traumatising time for you. I would like to explain what actually happened. The thing that had caused this incident wasn't me. It was a Cryptophallid, which is a polymorph-like creature that reproduces anally with male human beings. This Cryptophallid copied my form, and I assume it did that because I'm a teacher at this school."

Dumbledore then walked in, and explained that the Cryptophallid was now dead; and that the Ministry of Magic had done an investigation into the incident, and that Hermione was found innocent, as the creature that had performed the rapes was a Cryptophallid, but Hermione was human.

After that, Hermione apologised on behalf of her imitator, and then walked back to her room.

When she got there, she slumped down on her bed and began to weep softly at the scenes of brutality that were due to her imitator.

_**Please review this story!**_

_**(A/N: I'm sorry that this was an "Evil twin/ imitator" type of story, which I usually disapprove of, but when I read the original story, this kind of alternate ending was the obvious choice.)**_

_**(P.S: Do you reckon that if the real Hermione, Harry and Ron (If the characters were real), read the original story, they would just go "Why do you do this, King Splooge?")**_


End file.
